Round table discussion: Could a side chick/guy ever take the main spot??

This topic can have so many different views depending on who you’re talking to about it. A friend that brought this topic up felt like if you know you are #2 than why are you trying to get the role of #1? You knew exactly what position you’re in so why not just play your part. Now technically in the world of “cheating” the side person is supposed to only come around when it’s convenient for the cheater and disappear into the night until they are called again. They’re not supposed to catch feelings, interfere with their home life and most importantly never tell anyone about the affair. Does it always work out that way, no and it’s a good reason why it don’t….nobody really wants to be #2!!

From a woman’s perspective the thought of being #2 is honestly the last thing we want to be considered. In a perfect world women would motivate each other, build a village to raise our children and not be envious or jealous of each other, but our world is not perfect and for that very reason that’s why a side chick will try to overthrow the Queen and take her crown. The minute a “taken” man gives an outside woman any part of himself emotionally and/or physically he has left his throne unsecured leaving his Queen wide open for the enemy to attack!! This is the point when most men start to fall back from the side chick and profess his undying love for his mate hoping to deter any further damage being done to his household.

The same goes for women who cheat and the side guy try to become the main man because his pride will never allow him to really be #2 to another man. The side guy might not even really want to be with the woman but his ego won’t let him settle for the 2nd spot. The movie “The Perfect Guy” was a great example of a man who could NOT handle being second best. Even though she wasn’t cheating on her man with him, he couldn’t take another man being in the #1 spot. That’s exactly what usually happens when the side guy see the main being treated as a King and he’s treated like a peasant that only comes out behind close doors. That side guy will listen to all of your complaints and your thoughts of what a dream guy is and will then emulate those exact things just to make you want to leave home. Once he has “won” I guarantee you’ll see a side of that man you never saw before but it’ll be too late, you’d have lost it all.

So do I think a #2 could become a #1, personally I do because I’ve seen it happen. Either it was because the main person found out and left the position vacant which gave the side person the opportunity to move in or because both parties ended up catching feelings and decided to just go for it. Regardless of the reason it does happen, a lot more than people think. So the real question is not if #2 could be #1 but to me the real question is if #2 could actually be happy once they get into the #1 spot? Remember when you move into the #1 spot you left your #2 spot vacant!! I don’t necessarily believe once a cheater always a cheater because if you truly repent for your sin and let God help you grow spiritually then you will turn away from your old ways. But you are leaving yourself in a vulnerable spot when you take on the role of a woman/man who left their spot solely on the fact that a relationship of two became a relationship of three.

God will never send you someone else’s mate -anonymous

My advice based off of past experiences being on both sides of the fence is to avoid the drama by staying away from a woman/man that is in a relationship. If a person is truly unhappy in their relationship they will leave without bringing another person into the relationship first. Some people mistake boredom with being unhappy and when they look at you they see excitement in taking the risk but once the threat of losing it all becomes real they ready to dip leaving the outsider hurt and bitter. It’s not worth feeling like thrown away trash and it’s definitely not worth the repercussions of being caught. And if you’re in a relationship it’s not worth hurting your mate, nor is it worth losing yourself in the sin of lust. If you no longer want to be in a committed relationship leaving is the solution, not adding fuel to the fire.

And here’s the important thing to remember when you decide to open up the gate to your relationship and let a new person sneak in, they aren’t gonna all be loyal. Everybody has heard Chris Brown song “These h@#s aint loyal” and truthfully people in this situation aren’t very loyal. How can you as the cheating unfaithful mate then turn around and tell someone to be loyal to you? When you tell your significant other whatever lie you tell so that you can meet up with your side person for a few hours, you’re being the poster boy/girl on not being loyal. With every decision comes a consequence whether it be good or bad so if you decide to take on an extra lover behind your mate back be prepared to also take on extra drama and risks. Is it worth losing it all? Is the person in your #2 spot even good enough outside the bedroom to be #2 in your life? And if your mate is #1 and your side piece is #2, what spot is God in when it comes to your life?

What are your thoughts on the topic???